J&A: Kiss Me (But Not Really)

[aegistheia]

Title: Kiss Me (But Not Really)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: general, crack
Word Count: 1063
Warnings: Real person fiction. Boy-kissing-sort-of, but according to Sho, it's not supposed to be gay. One curse word.
Also Archived On: Livejournal; Archive of Our Own on October 21, 2010.
Summary: Sho is very sure he's not going to like this punishment game.
A.N.: In my defence, Aki said it first. For something that's not supposed to be gay, this is really gay. Arashi, you are so easy weird. Written within an hour, but I must admit, it was a very fun hour.




"What kind of punishment game is this?" Sho says warily, eyeing the sheet of paper like it has teeth. He has good reason to worry; the less the props, the more embarrassing it usually is.

Aiba is in charge of the cue cards tonight. Except this time, instead of reading aloud, he's reading silently with widening eyes and a grin twitching his lips. Nino whacks him upside the head and peers over his arm. "Say it already! You're the MC tonight."

Then it's Nino's turn to widen his eyes. He twists to face Ohno with a hand over his half-open mouth. "Oh-chan..." he whispers. Sho notices only because it's not a stage whisper; it's pitched so that the mike doesn't pick anything up. That...is not a good sign.

Ohno looks back with equally wide and equally innocent eyes. "What?" He takes one step closer and they break into one of their little conversations. Aw, fuck. Not a good sign.

Jun, being sane, looks like he has a headache. "Masaki, hurry up. What—"

"Mouth-to-mouth relay game!" Aiba announces on a giggle. "We have to pass this paper from the guest's hands back to her hands without dropping it by keeping it suctioned to our mouths, and if we drop it we have to do it again twice at double the speed and at half speed!"

"...what?" Jun repeats eloquently.

Nino and Ohno still haven't finished their conversation. Jun is probably wearing the expression Sho is right now. Aiba doesn't seem to have noticed. "Who— oh, the guest is timing too, just in case?"

"Wait, wait, who planned this?"

"Jun-chan, we don't have time!" Aiba scolds, gesturing emphatically at his watch.

Jun shakes himself out of the appalled daze he seems to have been thrust into, and gives the grinning producer a glare. "I suppose we'll just have to get this over with." For now, his eyes says, and Sho suspects that they'll be finding out how good Producer-san's reflexes are after the cameras stop rolling.

"I get Sakurai," Nino announces, magically appearing on his left.

Ohno just leans into Sho's other side and clings to his arm, and drags Jun to him with the same move.

"I get Nino-chan!" Aiba says.

"But— wait, what?" Sho whimpers.

Aiba is looking at the paper cross-eyed as the guest holds it up. "Are we ready?" he says, bouncing on his toes.

"Hang on, hang on." Nino waves him down. "Aren't you a little too excited over this?"

The guest looks halfway between horrified and amused, and the audience seems to be having a ball. Sho takes a brief moment to pray that nobody important is going to watch this clip; his mother will send him all the snarky mails he'll ever need in his life.

"It'll be fun if you think it's going to be fun!" Aiba protests, swatting Nino on the arm. "Don't make me out to be like a pervert like that!"

"Except you are," Jun points out. "Can we start already?"

Nino doesn't get a chance to say anything else when Aiba sucks the paper to his mouth in a perfect O and grabs Nino with a tight grip as the guest ducks out of the way.

"Give a guy some warning!" Nino yelps, just before Aiba's mouth descends on him.

Sho blinks as they struggle to find a good way to pass the paper from one mouth to another without completely blocking the camera and dropping the sheet. Aiba has one hand looped around Nino's back and the other creeping towards his neck, and Nino seems to be debating between pushing him off and clinging to his shoulders as Aiba bends him back, and back, and back—

Then Aiba pulls him straight with an exaggerated gasp and Nino turns to him with the paper in his mouth. "Go Nino-chan, go Sho-chan!" Aiba shouts.

Sho has never been so acutely aware of how short Nino is until now. He bends down as Nino tilts his head up and oh god, their mouths are open against each other and he can feel the heat of Nino's breath and the burn of his lips through the paper oh god he hasn't kissed a guy like this ever—

Nino digs his fingers into his arm and Sho realizes with a jolt that he's just pressing against Nino now, one hand cradling Nino's elbow and the other uncertain on his arm. Every one of Nino's eyelashes are on high definition at this proximity. Also, Nino isn't sucking on the paper anymore.

Sho takes a breath, lets Nino go, and turns to Leader.

And for some reason, Ohno's height comes as a surprise to him too. And somehow, Ohno makes it soft, like kissing a girl but not a girl because Ohno is a boy, a man-boy and his leader and friend and colleague and just hurry up and take the paper already—

(Later on, Sho will realize that Ohno was only able to take the sheet of paper when Sho forgot to breathe.)

Ohno falls away from beneath him and Sho can only gape stupidly as Jun takes Ohno by the shoulders, by the back of his head, and swoops down like it's the climax of a love confession in a drama.

The audience is screaming when Nino leans into him, and Sho automatically wraps an arm around Nino. "Kinda hot, isn't it?" Nino breathes, also not at a stage-whisper, as Jun lets his hands drag from Ohno's hair with the sheet pressed almost obscenely around his lips. Sho tightens his arm in warning, mostly because he doesn't want to think about it. At all.

Ohno swoons into their arms with an expression of ecstasy amidst audience shrieks as Jun turns to grab Aiba. But Aiba's there and giving as good as he got, which means that Jun has one hand locked around Aiba's wrist and the other buried in his hair and Aiba's got his low on Jun's waist and cupped around Jun's jaw, and—

—the paper falls to the ground before Aiba can get it from Jun's mouth.

A second of silence.

And then the studio explodes as Jun turns murderous eyes on Aiba.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—!" Aiba sprints around the stage as Jun claws at him.

"In the next round," Nino declares, "Aiba-chan will be kissing Producer-san too."




-fin-